Time to Relax

               So midterms are over, and school is out for break. YESSSS!!!!! So far, all I have done is stay up late and watch movies. haha. But I don't mind. I am having fun. I have been talking to my SK (shining knight, for those of you who forgot) a lot, and things with us are going very well. I finished my creative writing midterm story, and I started adding on to it even more yesterday. I am excited that I am adding more. =) Hopefully I wll make something out of this story. I talked to Bestie this morning. It was nice, since we havn't talked for a while. Saint is now out of the picture. I havn't talked to him since he was a jerk to me. Right now I am watching a cheesy 80's movie called Some Kind Of Wonderful. My dad said I would probably enjoy it, since I love a good 80's movie. =) I am really happy lately. Things are going really well for me, and I am really thankful. I am soooo happy to have break!!! Well, I have to go get ready. We are going to the park, my dad and brother and I. I will write more, maybe tomorrow if I have any thing new to say.
Later!

Eureka!!!

Hello, hello, hello. So today during break, I finished my Creative Writing midterm story! That was an hour ago and I am still freaking out. I am still bubbling with joy. I am sooo happy!!! I FINISHED!!! AND I LOVE IT!!! I am so excited that I keep trying to get all my friends to read it. haha. I love it so much. I am so happy. In a book called Bird by Bird, that we had to read for Creative Writing, I read a line, where she said when you finish a book/ story, you don't sigh and jump for joy. She said its not like "YES! I FINISHED!" it's like, "wow. That was a ton of work" and you kinda just wanna fall over and sleep. I disagree completely. I am literally bouncing for joy. I am so proud of it. Now, it's not ready to be turned in. I still need it to be edited more, and I need to tweak things here and there, but the plot is done. This is really the only story I've ever writen that I would love to go back to and continue writing. I am soo happy!!!

Just a really good song, that I've been listening to for the past 2 days straight. (on repeat) =p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kryV3E4QKGk

Assuming the Mind of a Slightly Disturbed Individual.....=)

Okay, so for my Creative Writing midterm, I have to write that 3,000 word short story. For a while, as you all know, I was a tad bit nervous, since I've never been good at sticking to a piece of writing for longer than a few pages. Well, I am writing about a sociopathic doctor named Haydn. At first, I had a ton of trouble understanding my character. I did tons of research looking up traits of a sociopath, and still had trouble understanding him.

Well, I have been working on my story a little every day. And I realized that the more I try to figure out my character the harder it gets. So I backed off, gave my character his space and let him breathe. I let him call the shots. I noticed the other day that my mind has sort of been understanding my character. Like with acting, when you get a role, you need to assume the character. You need to think like your character, move, dress, eat, sleep like your character. Lately, I realized I have been starting to think like my character. Things I observe, I hear my little voice, but my characters voice is loud and bold. When I ask a question, or see something, I automatically think, "What would my character do?" Writing has gotten easier because I am assuming my character. No I am not turning into a sociopath, but I am starting to understand him now, thanks to my brain starting to think like him. It's amazing how you can take a character, no relation to you at all, and after a while assume that character, and become him in a way.

I am still nervous about the midterm, and I am still stressed out that I won't have it completed, but another thing is I don't want to complete it yet. For the first time ever, I want to continue this story. I want to let it grow and I want Haydn to strive in these pages. I want to give him more than 3,000 words. I think for the first time, I might try to  actually do something with this.

Stupid Assholes

Sorry for the title, but today I am kind of pissed off. So today, just another day, I was actually feeling pretty good. Then when I was on Facebook trying to talk to my friend, some stupid asshole hacked my facebook. Whoever it was put a very crude status up, and said some crude things to some of my friends. I think that it is fucking PATHETIC that kids think its fun to make someone look and or seem like a total and complete fucking disgusting slut. So stupid! I don't have any enemies here. I don't think. None, that I am aware of. People are really disgusting though, and honestly whoever it was screwed up my day. I feel embarassed, and honestly sick to my stomach. I feel like I am going to puke. I am kinda sensitive when it comes to people messing with me. I have been made fun of a ton in the past, and I have some emotional problems with that. I can't stand it. It fucking hurts. So thank you, stupid fucking assholes who hacked my facebook. Just remember, Karma's a bitch. =)
P.S.
Teach, sorry for all the cussing.

Ummmm....

So, I don't have much to write, so I will just write a small blog today. I am freaking out about my Creative Writing midterm assignment. We have to write a super long short story, ironic I know, and I am scared of writing it. I at the most, usually only write about a page long short story. I guess I thought a short story was something else. I always just showed a scene, and that was it. With this, I have to add more. I am not good at writing long things, so I have been having my friends edit it and suggest to me as I go along. I could use all the help I can get. Thank god, again, for friends. haha. So, I am trying, and I am hopefully doing a good job. Hopefully.

Well, until next time, I say goodbye! I have to go work on my story. =)

Just an Update

Yay! Another blog. Okay, well I guess I will just for now do an update on my life. So, I am healing from the EX. He's done enough damage, and I think that my brain has finally gotten over him. And yes I mean my brain, not my heart. I don't know if I really "loved" him. I felt like I did, but that could have just been my infatuation with him. haha. I don't know. I mean, maybe it was love, but not the lasting kind, like, I will always care about him, but I think I am finally starting to move on, thanks to a little help from my friends. I get by with a little help from my friends. haha. =) Yeah, so I feel better, that I've finally let go of him. I've held on long enough. It's time to relax, and I think I may finally be doing so. YAY!!! So, Bestie and I got into another spat, but we worked it out.. I think. She's reading this, so hopefully she can clarify for me. =) Okay, so life... Life is getting better I guess. I suppose that maybe the pendulum of my emotions is swinging back towards the happy side. Let's hope! I haven't talked to Saint in a week. Not that long, but for me, a week is forever. Honestly, I haven’t really been thinking about him lately. My mind has been on school, and friends, and writing, and my Shining Knight. I know odd nickname for a person, but his name literally means Shining Knight, so I figured it would fit.
Now there is a story behind the SK(Shining Knight). Bestie originally had a crush on SK. So, I, of course, took it into my hands to "meet" this person, to see if he was good enough for my friend. Not the easiest thing to do, when you are like 10 states away. haha. So, I added him on Facebook and we started chatting. From what Bestie told me, he seemed okay, kinda cool, and extremely interesting. I talked to him for a while, and after getting Bestie's approval, tried to figure out if he liked her. Well, I did. I found out. Turns out she wasn't his type. Well, something I didn't mean to do while talking to him, was end up liking him myself. Yes lady's and gentlemen. I ended up liking SK myself. He seemed so perfect. I told Bestie this, actually no, Bestie figured it out, quickly might I add. She didn't seem to mind at all, which stunned me, and even encouraged me to talk to him. What a nice friend!!! So I continued to talk to him, but our conversations seemed kinda odd. I liked him, yet he didn't seem to into me. Said I wasn't his type. Well, about two days ago I think it was, I was iming him on Facebook, and he asked me a very personal question. And I answered him as honestly as I could. And he totally changed. He told me, that that was the most interesting conversation we had ever had, and that he thought completely differently about me. haha. Amazing what honestly can do. So we continued to talk, and he informed me that he has Asberger's syndrome. Wonderful movie on that called Adam, really you must see it. Well, also turns out he has the traits of Antisocial personality Disorder (Sociopathy). Well, for some reason that doesn't bother me one bit. He is extremely interesting. So after our honest conversation, we were talking again on Facebook, and he asked if I wanted to be his Online Pretend Girlfriend. I know that is kinda really odd, but I said sure why not. Now every time we talk we call each other gf or bf, love, sweety, darling, that kinda stuff. It's really funny. Then we started this kinda writing thing he calls Episodes. He starts something, by giving a scene and a short description and we go back and forth writing paragraphs. One thing I didn't learn about SK until I a few days ago, was that he is a hell of a writer. I mean like crazy good. I almost started drooling when he sent me a sample of his work. He asked what I thought of it, and my response was "I'm in love." haha. HE CAN WRITE! and he never told me! So we went back and forth, and immediately I felt like my writing was shit compared to his. He read my responses to his setting starters and told me that I too had talent, and I could write. After a while of going back and forth writing parts for the same story, he was like "We should write a book together." Oh, how I would love it. haha. He isn't really a flirt, but lately he has been a little flirty, and I really like it. So all today I have been really anxious to talk to him, since we have more writing to do tonight.
So in other news, I have vocal rehearsal for the musical today. 4-6 pm. YAY!!!! So excited. I am really in a good mood. I think it's because of my friends. My mom always told me I should learn how to be happy with myself first, so I don't become dependent on friends for happiness, and I think she was right I do, but it's really hard learning how to be happy with yourself. So I guess my happiness if coming from my acceptance from my friends lately. Also, my writing class, which I have grown to love as a family, has made me feel a lot better. That class is the only class I have where I feel accepted and completely comfortable. I love those people. They are wonderful, and Blondie has become a friend too, and has helped me with a bit of stuff. It feels good to be around people who actually seem to care. I don't have many friends in this hell of a state, but the ones I have are wonderful. I just don't really like the people I am surrounded by. I don't want shallow friends. That's why I love people like Bestie (I swear she was a hippie in her past life) and SK (my antisocial pretend boyfriend). I like to be around interesting people, and if that means the weird people, then that's okay. I like to be around the kind of people that will never bore me with their shallowness. And I can be shallow. Everyone can, I just don't like to be around those kinds of people.
Well, I guess that is it for this blog entry. Enjoy, my wonderful readers.

Cuz You Had a Bad Day... I mean "I"

Well, hello friends. I am back again. For a while there I didn't really have anything new to write about, but I do now! haha. Not a very happy blog, but that's okay I guess. Not everything has to be happy, right? Well, today is the 17th of November as you all know. I am going to start with last friday. This last weekend was Camelot Days, a ren. fair. My mothers dance troup were going to perform, and they were going to have a tent up for people to purchase bellydance merchandise. I ended up helping. I was the cashier. So Friday, we worked on setting everything up, and Saturday and Sunday were the actual fair days. Another thing I guess I should mention, is that the head woman, the owner of the dance studio and partial founder of the dance troup my mom is in, is also the mother of my ex-bf Yu Yi. Yu Yi and I dated for a full year, and then of course I was the stupid one, and broke up with him a few days after our year mark. Yay! Go Me! Such a stupid idiot I am! Oh, well. Anyway, I was helping set up and everything was fine, until Yu Yi showed up. Now Yu Yi and I keep trying to talk, and be friends, but it doesn't always work so well, mostly my fault again, because I miss him. Well, at times Yu Yi is nice to me, and we play around, like friends. Other times, he ignores me completely and honestly that really hurts. It shouldn't because we aren't together anymore, and havn't been for about 5 months. Well, Friday night, he ignored me like I had the plauge. I swear, even I was begining to think that I wasn't really there. I gotta say, he really knows how to make me feel wonderful. So I ended up in tears. Then Saturday, the first day of the fair, I was working, and I gotta say, I got really lonely. I was very unhappy. Yu Yi talked to me a little bit here and there, so that kind of made me feel less lonely and happier, but it didn't last long. I ended up getting into a fight with my mom, and ended up crying. Then Sunday, I went and Yu Yi was talking to me a bit more than the previous day, that's when Ugh showed up. Now the first time I met Ugh I thought she seemed pretty cool, but after watching Yu Yi Sunday I began to hate her. After she showed up, I didn't exist to Yu Yi. He followed her around like a puppy dog. Everywhere she went, he followed. I swear he was glued to her hip. And it really pissed me off. Jealously. I know. That stupid evil tormenting green monster. >.> Well needless to say, I ended up in tears that day too, and to make it worse his mother, my friend, ended up yelling at him for ignoring me and forced him to spend time with me. How embarrassing, huh? So he spent time with me, talked to me, and as terrible I thought it was that he had been forced to talk to me I was happy he was. I really miss him. He was a good boyfriend. My first kiss. haha. But his company didn't last long. As soon as his mom left to perform he went right back to Ugh and stayed with her the rest of the night. I wanted to kill them both. I ended up freaking out in tears that night, and left to go sit in the dark and sob. Something most people don't know, that might explain why I was hurting so bad... I have depression. It runs in my blood. My mom has depression and so do I. I don't remember the correct term but I call it Extreme Depression. I didn't notice it when I was younger, but the older I get the worse the depression gets. My dad studied psychology in college, I think he has a masters, and he talked to me about it and said the reason why my depression is worse now is because my chemicals are changing so the depression is strengthening. Yay! How fun. And looking back I realized how strong it actually is. When I laugh, and seem to be enjoying my time I don't feel it. I never feel the happiness or laughter down to my soul. It's like a mask. I only feel it on the surface. I can feel that the happiness I am experiencing at the moment isn't real and that it will be replaced by lonliness and anger and sadness really soon. And when I am truely happy, it never lasts long. When I feel it down in my soul, it lasts very small amounts of time. Sometimes 2 days. Sometimes 2 hours, sometimes as little as 5 minutes. And then I go right back to hurting. It's not easy, and most of my life I've had a pretty good grip on my emotions. But as I get holder, it's harder to control myself. I find myself crying sometimes out of nowhere for no reason, just because my soul hurts. And I have always had a concept on what "heartbreak" means, but I didn't know that you can actually feel pain in your heart when you are sad. Sometimes when I break down for no reason and just start sobbing, I feel pain in my heart, the kind of pain that makes your body involuntarily curl up as you grasp your stomache just wishing the pain would go away. I hate it. I hate hurting, but I don't know how to controll the depression. I have talked to my parents about possibly seeing a therapist, but I don't know if I believe it would help at all. Plus would you trust someone who, when you break down there title, is known as "The Rapist".... haha. Yeah okay lame I know. tehe. And then as if my weekend wasn't bad enough, yesterday after school, Saint told me he's uncomfortable in the relationship and thinks I'm obsessed with him. That he still wants to be friends, he just can't be my anchor. Well, how does my brain work when it thinks about how to solve this? Leave him alone. That way I don't bother him anymore. So pretty much, even though he said we are still friends, my brain hears "Not friends anymore" and I don't know how to change that. I'm not mad at him, I was yesterday. When he said it I was hurt and confussed and I felt betrayed, but today I don't really feel anything. I am numb, just like after a sobbing episode, my heart and body are just numb. It's no fun. But I will eventually learn how to control my depression, I hope. And I know I can't really stop the depression, but I'm sure I could somehow make myself hurt less. I really am sick of hurting.

I Am Blessed With Some Wonderful Friends.

So today, on this lovely chilly morning, I am going to write about a very important person in my life. He's my number 2 best friend. There's Bestie, whom you all know from previous blogs, and I have known her for 6 years. This other best friend of mine, I will call Saint. haha. Okay, so Saint is exactly what his name says, a Saint. He's my own personal Saint. =) I met Saint when I was in 7th grade, so that's what? 2 or 3 years ago. We met in a summer online writing workshop. It was actually the second time I had taken the class, the exact same one, and believe it or not it was an accident that I took the same class twice. But I went with it, because I thought it would be good for me to take the same assignment and create a brand new story from it. So I once again, just as the first time, checked the class roster. All girls, just like last time...WAIT!!! Is that a boy? I grinned when I realized that there was indeed a BOY in my class. In case you didn't notice, I prefer talking to guys than talking to girls most of the time. So I sent him an e-mail. One of those stupid videos were you watch it and at the end something pops out at you. Yeah, dorky I know. But he responded! And we immediatly started talking. Throughout the whole course, we discussed the assignments, to Sarah Palin and Obama, and almost everything else we could think of to possible talk about. And we got along famously. It was wonderful. =D

After the course ended, I admit, I was terrified that our friendship was going to end. However, it didn't. We continued to talk, sending e-mails to eachother, almost every day. And then we decided to move the relationship to phone calls as well as e-mails. Of course, I was the one to call him. I was soooo scared. My hands were shaking, partly because I was scared he wouldn't like me, and partly because I was scared that he would be some 80 year old pedifile. Well he answered and we started talking. He was definitly not an 80 year old perv. Thank God, because I wasn't ready to end our relationship. We talked for about 2 hours, and then continued to e-mail. Every day he called at the same time and every time he called my parents yelled "It's your boyfriend!" That always embarassed me, but Saint thought it was hilarious and laughed every time my parents said it. And every time I called his house, his little sisters would answer, and start giggling when I asked to talk to him, to which they yelled at him "It's your girlfriend!" Well, for the first year we talked on the phone every single day for at least 2 hours. We got along well. Then he started to get distant, which confused me. And when I questioned him about it he informed me that he had a girlfriend, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Which of course hurt my feelings. haha. Well after me telling him that it's fine, it's not like we were dating. So, we continued to talk and of course after a while, his girlfriend, I'll call her Jenny, decided that she didn't like me too much and told him to not talk to me anymore. Well, much to her dismay he did continue to talk to me. After a few months of dating her, she broke up with him for another guy. He was mucho triste/ very sad. ='( Well, at this point, I had a boyfriend, but that didn't mean I wasn't there for Saint. I comforted him the best I could. And he apologized for being such a jerk to me while he had been dating Jenny. Our friendship grew stronger again, and my boyfriend actually broke up with me, because he thought I liked Saint more than him, since by this time Saint and I were affectionate. We both ment a lot to eachother, and said we loved eachother every time we talked, but we were friends, and even though both of us had declared being in love with eachother at different times, we were both content with friendship. I even became really good friends with Saint's best friend, Beast, which both Saint and I thought was awesome.

A while later, Boyfriend and I broke up, and Saint was there for me. Like always. Then Saint's father got diagnosed with cancer. After a few months, actually in the middle of October of this year, Saint's father died. When I found out, I tried desperatly to contact Saint, but he wasn't responding at all. So I sent him an e-mail saying I was so sorry for his loss, and that I don't expect him to talk about any of it, but I would always be there for him, and that he had my support like always and that I loved him.After a few weeks, a week ago today, he contacted me. And once again we are back to talking often, but he doesn't have as much time now, because he is trying to be the man of his house, and support his family.

Saint is only 17 years old, goes to college and has a job, and he is a wonderful guy. I love him to death, and I think it's really cool, that two people who have never met eachother in person, can be such good friends.

This blog was going to be about my life, and the things that I consider important. Saint is one of those people that I consider to be extremely important, and I am very proud to have him as my friend.

How to -- how to Succeed!

¡Hola mis lectores! ¡Espere que usted tuviera todo un día agradable! or Hello my readers! Hope you all had a nice day!  So today I was talking to Oops after school and he told me to blog about the whole school audition thing. So, I decided I will. =) At my school our new musical is How to Succeed in Buisness Without Really Trying. ( i think i spelled buisness wrong). Well, I decided that I wanted to try out for the musical. Well, everyone trying out was informed that we all had to do a dance audition. I am not a dancer! I mean I dance, but I can't dance... >.>   Well, I went and I was nervous, but I realized that it was fun. People were tripping over eachother, and everyone giggled when they screwed up. It was a blast. I don't know why I had been so scared in the first place. Then today after school was the Singing/ Acting audition. Well, this morning I realized I had never picked out a monologue, so I went to the library at my school and searched desperatly for a monologue. When I finally found one, I arrived late to my acting class, first period class, and asked my teacher, I'll call him Drama!, so I asked Drama! if my monologue would be acceptable, and after recieving the okay, I spent an hour memorizing it. After just one hour I had my monologue memorized. Yeah!!! I know, I'm awesome. haha. I decided for my song to do "Whatever Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees. I auditioned second. I was extremely nervous, but honestly I survived. =p It was fun, as much as I was freaking out. I think I did okay. Not terrible, but I'm sure I could have done better. I then waited for my friend Broadway to do her audition which was 2 hours later. While we were waiting for her audition time, we decided to walk around the school, seeing if any of the teachers were left. That is where we ran into Oops who then told me to blog about this. See Oops? I blogged about it and even mentioned you a few times. =)

Hasta lavista! ( did I spell that right?)

Friend Sick

Well, here I am again, here to write another entry. Yay!! Woo hoo! Well, tonight I was talking to Bestie. And all of a sudden I realized that I was saying things I've held in for quite some time.

Bestie is the perfect kid. I mean Perfect, with a capital P, seriously. She never breaks rules, does everything her parents want her to, gets good grades and is the best friend on the planet. I have no idea how she does it. I honestly don't. Bestie and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We are total opposites, so I guess we balance eachother out. Well, tonight Bestie and I got into a fight. In our 6 years of friendship we have only fought I think once before. Well, tonight something in my mind said "I guess it's time to fight." So we got in a fight, me talking about how perfect everything for her is, and how I wish she would do something other than everything everyone asks of her. Guess that was too much to ask. She told me she loved me, and that no one cares as much about her as I do, but she started doing what she does... Defending her parents. I love her parents. They are really cool, but I wish Bestie would break some rules. Do something different for a change, and tonight I decided to tell her. Now I am fighting tears. I don't usually cry when my friends and I argue, thats how much Bestie means. Until next time, peace.

Okay... So About This Blog

Okay, so after creating this blog I decided to tell ALL my friends about it, because honestly I am very excited about this blog. I get to speak out and someone will read it. =) However I guess I really didn't think about reactions. Already a really good friend of mine has told me that one of my blogs hurt her feelings. I said sorry of course and that wasn't the purpose of the blog. But just a note for readers, I don't judge my friends number 1. Number 2 I don't really talk bad about people. I don't try to hurt people, I just try to get my words out. My words may not always be so nice and kind, I am not going to sugar cookie my writing, just so people feel better. Get a grip on your feelings and deal with it. When I write I tell the truth. I don't think about who it will hurt, I think about what my purpose is in getting these words out. The story of my life, i spoke about hating Arkansas. I was being honest. Doesn't mean I hated the people there, or my friends there, I just didn't like living there. That's all. Just a little note. Thanks.

My Own Personal Escape

In the times when I need an escape I usually turn to books. People think that when I read, it's just to read, for the fun of it. Sometimes I read just to read, but most of the time I read to escape. I read to get as far away from reality as I can. I know, not very mature, but there are times when I am so sick with the world that all I want to do is vanish. When I lived in Massachusettes, I was a very different person than I am know. I used to be loud, bold, high spirited and honestly didn't care what anyone thought of me. I had my group of friends, and I was happy. I danced down the hallways, I stood up for myself and others. I still read back then, but not as much as I do now. Since MA, I have changed. My friends from MA still tell me that I am the same, that I really don't seem different at all. My best friend for example, I'll call her Bestie, she has quoted numerous times that I'm the same old person, that I'm not one tad bit different, I just look older.


I am different though. I am quiet. I am shy. I am kinda awkward. I don't make friends as easily and over the years have found it harder and harder to make friends. I don't trust people as much now as I used to. I am more guarded, and because of it, I seem to withdraw from other people more. So, to try not to look like a little depressed antisocial girl, I read. Teachers thing I'm such a good kid, because I read. They don't understand. I read to forget. I read to escape. I read to pretend that everything is extremely wonderful.


I kind of have trouble connecting with people my own age. I find it very difficult to talk to them. I get along much better with people who are older than me. That's not always an easy thing to deal with. I'm not saying I'm a depressed kid, yes I have my lows, everyone does, but I just can't handle life sometimes. I need my escape. Some people have music, some cooking, some painting, running, etc. etc. but for me, when I need to have the world disappear, I turn to books. Teach is going to read this, along with B-Ball, Dance, Oops, Absentee, Canada and Blondie. Hope it doesn't change their view of me, though it might. I'm not so wonderful just because I read, I just need to not have to think every now and then. Until next time, I bid you adieu.

Focus Gone Down The Toilet

So here I am, trying to do my homework. And I can't focus. This year my goal has been to get wonderful grades, and my grades are great so far, however my focus is going down the shiter. I find myself taking over an hour to actually even lift the cover of my textbooks. Everything is so distracting. I guess this blog also funtions as my "person" to talk to. Well, actually I guess that would be the role of the reader, huh? Well, I would love some advice, if anyone has any, on how to stay focused on homework. I have a shitload of homework to do, and not being able to focus on it is driving me crazy. Well, Aloha!!!

My Life Up To Now

I am origionally a New Englander, as I've mentioned before. I was born October 5th 1994 at 12:12 in Camebridge, MA weighing 6 lbs 8 oz. My mother is a wonderful woman who works really hard. She has been there for me almost every time I need her. My dad is great too. He understands everything I say. My mom met my dad when I was two years old. My biological father , or as I call him "the Sperm Doner" is nonexistant. I don't consider him my father in any way and honestly I don't want to ever meet him. He has been out of my life for most of it. Since before I was two. He never called, never sent me a birthday card. Nothing. And soon he became a spot of ntohing in my mind. I am happy I ended up with the father I have now, because honestly I can't imagine anyone else having the dad role in my life. It just doesn't seem possible. Now, my family moves around a lot. After I was born, my mom brought me to Florida where we lived with my grandparents for a while. When I was two after my mom and dad had been together for a while, we moved in with him at his apartment in Fort Lauderdale. We lived there with him until I was eight. When I turned eight, the decision to move was made. We packed up our stuff, had a goodbye party and made our way up north. Numerous motels and burger king's later, we reached Salem, MA. We met wonderful people there, people who made a huge difference in my life. People I am very thankful for having the chance of knowing. We lived in Salem for two years and then for personal reasons decided our time there was up and it was time to move. So we made our way to a wonderfully charming little town called Newburyport, MA. Newburyport was like the perfect town, the perfect place to raise a family. We stayed there for my 5th and 6th grades. I loved it. It was the perfect town. Really, I wish we had never left. Well, at my old school I met my best friend. I havn't seen her in 3 1/2 years and we are still as close as we were when I lived there. The Newburyport phase was also when I met my first real boyfriend. He was wonderful. haha. We knew eachother for 5th grade, and hated eachother. We made fun of eachother all the time, and played mean pranks. Then one night at a sleep over at my best friends house, when I was about to pass out, I mumbled that I liked him. MY best friend flipped out and the next day asked him out for me, without telling me first. On my birthday he said he would go out with me. We dated for a full year and then the whole Shelby thing happened, but that is a story for a different time. During 6th grade, in 2006 my little brother was born. That as well is another story for another time. After 6th grade ended we moved to Horseshoe Bend, Arkansas. I know. It was just that bad. haha. Arkansas was utterly horrid. We all became very depressed not being around civilization. So after a year and a half of that good ol' arky livin' we decided to move...back to Florida. Yippee! Well, I currently live in Florida, and this is my second year here. And I don't like it. Not at all. That is pretty much my life up till now in a nutshell. I know, I move a lot.

Paper Dolls in a Paper World

Real. I am a real person. When my parents informed me that we were moving back to Florida I thought "Well, sunny Florida. I guess that could be fun." Well, I was wrong. I understand now why we moved out of Florida before. I hate this state, no offense to the people who live here, but I mean come on. Not a fun state. Everything is the same. I go to a supposedly wonderful school. Yes, some of my teachers are AMAZING, but the school in general I hate. I don't like most of the people who go to school with me. I hate my school. Honestly I kinda hate my life in Florida in general. I am a northener. A New Englander at heart. Born in Camebridge, MA and spent most of my life in Massachusettes, in Salem and Newburyport. I LOVE snow, I love the cold. I am a cold person. I HATE heat. That is one of the things I hate so much about Florida. Another thing, forgive me nature de Florida, but I enjoy seeing the seasons change. I enjoy seeing the leaves turn orange, and I love going to pick out pumpkins and drink hot apple sider on the New England farms. I love getting lost in the corn stalks. I love eating their cinnimon homemade doughnuts. Here in Florida, I just don't fit in. I mean, I never really fit in anywhere I've lived, but Florida is the worst. Not saying that I want to be just like everyone else, I want to stand out, but I just don't feel accepted here, and anyone who has felt that before knows that it sucks. I spend most of my time at school just watching my peers. Honestly I do. I like to people watch. A great activity for actors and actresses, which I am, but it's not just that it's helpful with character dialasis. I enjoy watching people. period. I enjoy watching how people react, the way their personality changes due to the person they are talking to. The thing is, in my school we wear uniforms. They say that the uniforms are supposed to help, because when you don't express yourself through clothes people don't judge you as much. LIE! People judge just at much when you look like everyone else as when you stand out. I prefer to stand out. I look at these people in my school, and I judge. I do. Everyone does. It's called having an oppinion. haha. I've noticed though, that here people don't seem to actually be real. I watch them, milling about the school, jumping from class to class with a splash of time to gossip with eachother. The thing is, they are all the same... Except for those few who are actually real human beings. Since moving to Florida, everyone acts the same. All the girls look the same, and I mean personality wise. They all talk the same, all wear the same stuff. I mean come on! Where is the origionality???? I was talking to my friend about it today and the phrase "Paper dolls in a paper world" came out of my mouth. That's what it is here. Florida is infamous for being the land of the boring...and oranges. Numerous movies have made fun of Floridas' sense of perfection. Edward Scissorhands for example, that neighborhood was based off of Florida. the people are all the same and the places all look the same. Same houses same lives. Same materialistic, artifical lives. Once again, I point out that not everyone in Florida is like this of course, just 98% of the Floridian population. I don't want to be stuck in a world of paper people. I want to live. I want to be in a world were actually acting out makes people look at you with respect. Why can't people look at the beauty of origionality? Well, I am sick of being surrounded by paper dolls in this paper world.