Something For The Pain, Just To Kill This Feeling

Hey. So last night sucked completely. Gamer has found a new girl at his school that he likes. I will call her Tyme. Tyme is like his perfect girl, geeky, videogame player, draws anime. Yeah she's great. Well, I guess he got sick of hearing me complain because I am jealous and stuff, because you know I love him. So, he sent me a text message asking me to forget about him and to not talk to him anymore. So he doesn't want me in his life, just like Bestie doesn't. And the worst part. My dream is really happening. It was Gamer, Bestie, Bad-Ass and a few other people. And what happened in that dream? Bestie and Gamer both got in the car and left me. The only difference is Gamer told me that he wasn't ever going to leave me. Well, surprise!!! So needless to say, last night I kind of had my first breakdown in a while. I was happy. I thought things were finally starting to work out. I was adjusting fine to not having Bestie anymore, and I was happy about school and things were starting to get good. But life can't let me be happy for longer than a day, so of course I had to have one of the most important people in my life tell me to stop talking to him.... Of course, I am hurt. My insides feel as if they are tearing apart and my heart has sunk faster than the Titanic. It hurts a lot. I really can't stand this. I am so sick of being so unhappy. Why can't I just be happy? I don't understand. If someone could at least give  me a reason why I need to lose everyone I care about, it would make it a bit easier. Because I can't even think of a reason why all this is happening to me. I need it to stop though so I can live my life in some state of sanity. But I don't know if that is going to happen. Until then, I get to feel really sad. The scary part is I am getting so used to being upset that last night after the initial heart tearing to shreads, my whole body went numb much faster than it ever has before. It's just great... Well, I have to go. School starts at 8 and I need to head to class.

I can do this.
I can get through it.
I am strong.

Wish me luck.