Hey there! I know it's been a while, but I'm back now. First of all, happy Halloween!!!! It is my favorite holiday, and I am so happy it's here again, except I really wish I could be spending Halloween up north. It's not the same here in the heat.
Anyway, things have changed since I last wrote. For starters, I moved in with my mom and grandparents... At the time when it happened, it wasn't my choice, but as time has passed I feel that it was a better choice for me. I miss my dad a lot though. I feel guilty all the time about not seeing him. You see, when I moved out, I got really depressed. I didn't want to talk or see anyone, including my dad, and I just stopped visiting. As time went on with me not visiting, he and I became more distant, and barely ever talk. And when I do try to talk to him, or he I, it's extremely difficult and awkward. I feel even worse, because I had been planning on seeing him next weekend, but didn't know that I actually already had plans working at the Ren. faire... When I told him I wouldn't be able to go over that weekend, he got weird, and every response to my messages were "yeah." I don't know what to do. I feel horrible....
I guess for a bit of good news now... I passed my GED! Woo! I'm trying to get stuff straightened out. When everything with my parents happened, I sort of got a little...okay, a lot lost. I couldn't really see a future in sight, which scared the crap out of me, as I have always seen a future plan. The plan was to move up north with my family after I graduated, and go to college up north... Now, neither of my parents are moving up north, and I am on my year off before college.... I'm scared though. Now that they aren't going, it means that when I go away to college, I will be on my own. I won't have them there to visit during the weekend, and I won't be there to see my brother growing up. That scares me. I've never really had to be independent before, and the thought of finally having to, freaks me out so much.
My mom still really isn't being a mom to me. I mean, she is there for me a little bit more than she was when she and my dad were together, but in her mind, I'm an adult now, and I don't need her help anymore... In my mind though, she has the past 4 years to make up for. She doesn't see it like I do. My grandmother, however, is trying to teach me independence. She is teaching me how to drive and trying to teach me how to budget money, as well as paying bills, etc. She and I have been getting closer. See, we've never had the closest relationship, but when all of this happened my grandmother stepped up, big time, and started taking care of everyone. She has been there for me in ways that my parents haven't in years. Or at least in ways my mother hasn't. My grandmother is there for me like my dad was. I'm really thankful for that.
Anyway, I have to go now, as I need to pick up my brother from school. I'm going to try to start writing again more often.
Happy Halloween again! Taking my brother trick or treating tonight! He's dressing up like Batman. ^_^
Hey there. So I guess it's time again to update you on what has been going on. The last time I checked in, my best friend Bad-Ass had thrown away our friendship... Well, since then, a lot more has gone on.
To start I will just recap on everything that has been happening. So my mother asked my dad for a divorce, then Bad-Ass dumped me as his friend. Then on valentine's day, I got into a car accident (I am okay). Then three days after the accident, Gamer dumped me, because he didn't want to try anymore. He thought I had been talking to his friend too much, by the way I'll call his friend Mista J. So, that happened, which was extremely unfortunate. It hurt, a shitload. My heart broke again. Then my grades in school kept skipping.
Now I'm with Mista J. He's pretty awesome. He and I have a relationship that is different from any other relationship I've ever been in. He's my first "adult" relationship. He's turning 20 in November, so he's a year older than me, as I will turn 19 in October. He's really cool. Another huge nerd, funny, sweet, loyal, awesome. He's a gamer, and a dork, but I adore it. He treats me well, and he's really different. I've never met someone who was so similar to myself. He is the first person I've ever met who I've felt understands me 100%. He gets me in a way that no one else really does. With him, I feel like I don't have to worry about showing who I really am, because he understands it, and he likes it. He likes who I am, and I love that. ^__^
As for the friend world, I have made a great friend from my ex, Gamer. I will call her Red. She's awesome. She's extremely talented. She has a fantastic singing voice, and she's got great taste, she writes, draws, etc. She's definately someone I would love to hang out with and get to know better. I enjoy talking to her greatly.
As for my parents, my mother moved out and took my little brother with her. She's living with our grandparents now, and I still get to see my little brother every day, but it's really weird not having him here to tuck in at night. I miss him a lot. I have no idea how I will ever be able to go away to college.
Well, that's pretty much the cap on my life right now. I'll try to write more often, but I am extremely stressed out right now. My life is slipping out of control, and I'm just sitting here trying desperately to grasp it before I lose it.
I can do this though. I know I can.
I've got this.
So today, I ended my frienship with Bad-Ass. I shouldn't have to fight so hard just to keep a friend.
Time to get up.
And pick up the pieces.
And live.
And get over it.
Betrayal
You know, friendship is a funny thing in my life. First Bestie decides she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. For those of you who know, when Bad-Ass and I broke up, we became best friends and he has been my best friend for a while. Well, recently I got into a relationship and was honestly avoiding BA because I didn't want to upset him. Well, there was this girl at his school who he had wanted to talk to for a while, because he was lonely. So I convinced him to go give her his number. And he did. And he hasn't really talked to me. He did it yesterday, and she started texting him. He talked to her for 8 hours straight and not once did he answer any of my calls, texts, or IM's. He called me on skype for about 15 minutes and said he would come skype me again after dinner. Guess what? Didn't happen. I waited up for him until 1am, and then decided to call him again. "Oh sorry, I've been video chatting with this girl. I'm busy. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
WOW! THANKS BEST FRIEND!!!! Needless to say, we fought. I broke down into tears because I was so sickened that he had chosen this girl over me, someone who had kept his secrets, and helped him. Someone who had been through so much with him, and he just shoved me to the side for someone else. Last night he told me he would talk to me today, and said sorry so much he sounded like a broken record. Well, i said fine. This morning, "I can't talk to you right now, I"m sorry, but I'm meeting up with her before school starts and can't text you."
Thank you so much BA, for showing that our friendship really does matter to us. Love you too, Asshole.
