Anyway, things have changed since I last wrote. For starters, I moved in with my mom and grandparents... At the time when it happened, it wasn't my choice, but as time has passed I feel that it was a better choice for me. I miss my dad a lot though. I feel guilty all the time about not seeing him. You see, when I moved out, I got really depressed. I didn't want to talk or see anyone, including my dad, and I just stopped visiting. As time went on with me not visiting, he and I became more distant, and barely ever talk. And when I do try to talk to him, or he I, it's extremely difficult and awkward. I feel even worse, because I had been planning on seeing him next weekend, but didn't know that I actually already had plans working at the Ren. faire... When I told him I wouldn't be able to go over that weekend, he got weird, and every response to my messages were "yeah." I don't know what to do. I feel horrible....
I guess for a bit of good news now... I passed my GED! Woo! I'm trying to get stuff straightened out. When everything with my parents happened, I sort of got a little...okay, a lot lost. I couldn't really see a future in sight, which scared the crap out of me, as I have always seen a future plan. The plan was to move up north with my family after I graduated, and go to college up north... Now, neither of my parents are moving up north, and I am on my year off before college.... I'm scared though. Now that they aren't going, it means that when I go away to college, I will be on my own. I won't have them there to visit during the weekend, and I won't be there to see my brother growing up. That scares me. I've never really had to be independent before, and the thought of finally having to, freaks me out so much.
My mom still really isn't being a mom to me. I mean, she is there for me a little bit more than she was when she and my dad were together, but in her mind, I'm an adult now, and I don't need her help anymore... In my mind though, she has the past 4 years to make up for. She doesn't see it like I do. My grandmother, however, is trying to teach me independence. She is teaching me how to drive and trying to teach me how to budget money, as well as paying bills, etc. She and I have been getting closer. See, we've never had the closest relationship, but when all of this happened my grandmother stepped up, big time, and started taking care of everyone. She has been there for me in ways that my parents haven't in years. Or at least in ways my mother hasn't. My grandmother is there for me like my dad was. I'm really thankful for that.
Anyway, I have to go now, as I need to pick up my brother from school. I'm going to try to start writing again more often.
Happy Halloween again! Taking my brother trick or treating tonight! He's dressing up like Batman. ^_^
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