Erase Me From Existance

Have you ever been erased from existance? Deleted from someone's life. I'm sure you have at least once. Gamer, as you know if you have read my last blogs, has told me he doesn't want me in his life. Well yesterday, Gamer and I talked, and it didn't seem to end on a bad note. Then today, I realized that he has deleted me not only from DA but also from FB... And for some stupid reason it hurts. It hurts knowing that the guy I've spent the last two days MAKING a card for (by hand) is literally deleting me from his life. And the worst part is, he won't tell me why. He won't talk to me.  I don't understand. I realize that I hurt him, but I wish he would give me a fucking chance to say what I need to say to him. He acts like the whole thing is my fault. It's not. He is part of the reason I broke up with him in the first place. He wasn't around enough. Never paid enough attention to me... And he blames me for the whole thing. What the fuck is wrong with him? I don't understand. He said we would be friends, and that we would try dating again in the future and now he's kicking me out of his life and I don't know why. I guess he just hates me, like most people do. I wish someone would just tell me why for once.

I Miss Him Already

So, life is okayish I guess. Not the best. Yesterday absolutely sucked. School was okayish yesterday, but it wasn't the best. I couldnt talk to Bad-Ass much. Then his dad told him he is no longer allowed to bring his phone to school. Which sucks. Then I lost my ring that Bad-Ass gave me, and still cannot find it. And then to top it all off, our cell phones have been shut off because we don't have the money to pay it. FML.

It sucked to say the least, and now today I am still pretty sad. I can't talk to my boyfriend anyway but with emails now, which sucks a lot. But he and I have been through that before, so it should be fine. Until then I just have to try as hard as I can to not miss him too much, which is proving to be difficult. Saw Psych wed. It was okayish. We talked about a lot of different stuff. It was sad bringing it all up and I got a little emotional, but didn't lose it. We talked about considering medication, again; I'm still a little unsure about the whole medication thing.

Well, I guess that is really all for now. My grandparents are taking me to see the orchestra tonight, so I'm excited.

Bad-Ass, I love you tons and I miss you already so much. This sucks and I can't wait till my phone is back on so I can call you. I love you!!!

Later