Alohaaaa!!!!!! So once again, my title is a line from a song called Middle of Nowhere by Hot Hot Heat. I am currently listening to it and think it is a fantastic song, so check it out. Anywho, so my friend, whom I will call KittyKat (Kitty Cat Blogs), has a blog!!! YAYYYY!!!!!!! So he has a blog which is cool, and the funny thing is that he has had one for a while now, but didn't know he did. And he had never posted a blog, and posted his first one last night, so congrats!!!!!! So life is pretty good I spose. I have been trying to work on my writing and breaking that damn writing block which has been with me since around January. GRRRR!!!!!!! I hate writing blocks. They are completely not fair!!! So, I wrote a paragraph the other day from a writing prompt I found on pw.org. Then my SK (shining knight) read it and told me that he honestly thought that it was really good and not to change a single thing about it. By the way, don't know if I mentioned it before but SK is in my life again. We were apart for a while, but we decided to be friends, and it is surprisingly working out really well. ^__^ I have to be honest, it really is wonderful to have him back. He is the most arrogant, straight forward, brilliant guy I've met, and he is an AMAZING writer. Seriously, he could be an award winner he's just that good. So, I had him read it and he thought it was great, which considering how amazing of a writer he is, meant a lot to me, because from knowing him, I know that he isn't just saying it to make me feel good. He's incapible of telling you a not so honest opinion, which I have to say, I respect. I look up to him. He doesn't seem like the nicest guy, and he does have his problems, but he is a really good guy to have on your side. He will always tell you the honest truth, which is something that is kind of hard to come by these days.
So, Bad-Ass and I are extremely close, and have been considering trying a relationship. Yes, it would be another long distance thing, but we have a really strong connection that is hard for me to describe. He and I think alike, but I am strong in ways he is not, and vice versa. We balance eachother out. He is really amazing and funny and great, and the number one thing.. He ALWAYS has time for me. Not once, has he not been there for me when I needed or wanted his company. He has always made time for me, which is a very important quality. He's pretty awesome. He was born 4 days before me, and we share the same zodiac sign (libra) and we just get along really well. He makes me feel good about myself, which with my low self-esteem, is not a bad thing at all. He also helps keep the depression at bay which is awesome. I haven't broken down in a while which I really appriciate. I hate it when I get in that dark cloud state. It is like nothing else I know. It's really not cool... Well, that's an understatement... Just for no reason wanting to scream and sobbing because even though nothing is wrong, your brain is feeling pain and sorrow and you have no idea what is wrong you just can't think or even breathe because you are crying too hard, and everything just hurts, physically and emotionally... It really sucks. And the amount of pain I experience when I have my breakdowns,takes my breath away. I am always shocked after by how badly it hurt. And the older I get, the more painful it seems to be getting. Doesn't happen as often, but when it does it is hell on earth. It is like someone is in my heart ripping it to shreds and tearing me apart. It's... I can't even properly describe it. It really is like nothing else I can explain. I have nothing to compare it to. Only those who have experienced it understand what I am talking about. It's like you have fallen into the lowest pit on earth, and it just keeps getting lower and lower, and you just keep sinking down down, until you are lost within yourself. But it's not just confusing, it's painful. I can't stand it. It really is I think the top thing I would change about myself if I could. Even though I have a low self-esteem, I am pretty content with myself. I just hate the depression.
Well, I realize that this blog has kind of been random, but I have to get to class.
Later!!!
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