All Aboard the Progress Train!

Hey there! It's been quite a while since I've last written. I really need to get back to blogging regularly. Honestly I miss it. I guess to start, an update is due. So, family stuff has been a bit off. At the moment, for the past 6 months or maybe longer, my dad and I haven't been talking. When I first moved in with my mom, I was trying to maintain a relationship with my dad, but honestly he didn't seem interested in maintaining one with me, and at times could be a bit hurtful when speaking to me. After a while, sinking deeper into my depression, I decided I didn't deserve to be talked down to. I had done nothing wrong, and didn't deserve it. I miss him everyday, but honestly there is still a huge part of me that is furious that I was the only one trying to make it work. 

As for mom, she's seeing someone, and has been for a while, and they make eachother really happy. He's also divorced, with two young girls of his own. They are both extremely sweet, and he is a pretty cool guy. Mom and I have been living with my grandparents since the split, however they haven't been the best at being supportive. She feels like no matter what she does, she just cannot make them happy. Having talked to her mother about something she felt strongly about doing, it was stated that she could do it, but not if she was living here. So, my mom decided to move. Neither of us thought that me going along was an option, as the house isn't huge, however mom's boyfriend agreed with my mom that it would probably be mentally as well as physically healthier for me to be with my mom, so he said it would be fine if I moved in as well. I'm pretty excited. I was a bit nervous at first, but now I just feel relieved that I'm going to get to live with my mom. See, I was considering staying with my grandparents, but if I did that, I would barely ever see my mom or brother. 

Now my plan currently is to spend a year here, in school (more on that in a bit) and then move up north next summer. I'm hoping that will work out. 

As for school, I have just registered for my first semester of college, and boy am I nervous. I pretty much did the admissions process myself, though my mom did help with a few things, and honestly it felt kind of nice being able to do it on my own. I just have to get my adviser, and sign up for a few classes. I think that being back in school may make me a bit happier, as I always did feel at home in the classroom. Learning is one of my favorite things, and honestly, I missed taking notes. (I know I'm kinda weird).



Something else that has changed is back in April I got my first job! I currently have a job in retail, at a prom dress store in the mall. It's not my first choice, but for a first job, I'd say I got a pretty good deal. I made a new friend out of it, and I work with some great people. However, since I'm going to be moving with mom (even though it's only about an hour away), I need to get a new job, as I cannot drive my scooter on the highway, and driving to work without the highway would probably take about 2 hours, depending on traffic. Despite this, I am pretty excited. Nervous, because I know how hard it is to find a job, but excited all the same. I had been looking for other jobs for a while, as when it's not prom season the store is a bit slow, and paychecks have gotten smaller since I first got the job.

Also, I've gotten more motivation to start trying to better myself. I do want to resume my search for a psychologist, and I am considering talking to a psychiatrist about anti-depressants. Also recently, I've learned a few things about myself. Turns out not only do I have depression, I also have anxiety, which of course just feed off each other. Another thing I've learned about myself, that I've been wondering about for a while, is that I'm hypoglycemic, meaning I have low blood sugar. My friends mother is a doctor and said all of my symptoms are a perfect description of someone with hypoglycemia, such as being hungry every 2 or 3 hours, no matter how much food I ate, and the weird fainting spells I've had. For the first time, months ago (around January I think), I had gone outside to plant some new plants we bought, without eating or drinking anything first. When I came back inside the house, my hands started shaking, my heart started racing, I got a cold sweat, and fainted. When I came to, I weakly went to the kitchen and bit into a piece of chocolate, and after about half a minute, I was fine. It did take a few minutes for the sensation to return to my fingertips, but I was okay. I kept trying to think of reasons it could have happened, and concluded it must have been from the heat. However, since then it has happened two more times, and heat wasn't always a factor. Each time it happened, if I ate something or drank something sugary, I was absolutely fine. She described hypoglycemia as this, if I order a large pizza, only half of it shows up. I need to eat more sugar than a normal person would, because I don't absorb all of it, and the sugar I do take in, I burn off quickly. It's not really a horrible thing, but a good result from it is that I can never be diabetic. The reason this makes me so happy is because diabetes runs in my family, and is something I've worried about for a long time. So yay!

Aside from all of that things are pretty much the same. Mista J and I are still wonderful. I miss him dearly though. :( I had spent 9 blissful days with him back in March, and since then the long-distance has been a bit harder. There is just so much I want to do with him, so much that I want to teach him and experience with him. But all in good time I guess. 

Welp, I guess I'll go for now. Hopefully I will stick to this and blog again soon. Bye!