Opening My Eyes

Hello there. Well I havn't blogged in a while and decided that I really should. So, lately life has given me another surprise. I have learned something about someone in my life who is very important to me. He is absolutely amazing. I learned something about him that made me take a step back and go, "Wait. What?"
I'm not going to tell you what it is that I found out, because it is not  mine to tell. This post is mainly to talk about after I found out. At first it made me really nervous to be perfectly honest. I kinda was extremely confused, but then the next morning I woke up. I opened my eyes and said "You know what? It doesn't change anything." And I've been thinking about it, and it really doesn't change anything. Yes it may affect me more in the future, but as of now, it doesn't really change anything. I know that I will be able to handle this change, for I am good at adapting, and I have an open mind. As for the person who I am talking about, I love you. You are perfect just as you are. And if you have any bad feelings of guilt or are ashamed  at all, do me a favor and kick those feelings out the door. You are perfect. You are amazing, and nothing in life will change that. I wish you could see yourself as I see you, perfect in everyway, flawed, but hey, you're only human. I love you more than you could imagine, and I accept you just the way you are. Do me a favor, and never change.

P.S. My bf Bad-Ass and I have decided to make a collaborated blog, which we will start working on soon. If you are intersted in reading at all, here is the link. (remember, we don't have anything writen yet.)  http://sicknastyawesomeness.blogspot.com/

You'd Better Run, Better Run, Faster Than My Bullet.

Hey there. So, lately things have been a bit rocky. My parents havn't said a word to eachother in a week. I am overstressed thanks to school. And today I got called out of class to go speak to the school psychologist. Fun eh?

No. Not really.

So, I guess I will go in order. My parents for some reason are not speaking to eachother. They got into an argument on Friday about my dad's mom, I'll call her Fiddler (because she constantly fucks (fiddles) with things. So Fiddler is living with us, because she has been deemed unfit to live alone. She is old, obviously, and she is not doing to well. She has a heart problem that she takes medication for, and she had been forgetting to take her meds, and ended up in the hospital. So instead of sending her to a nursing home, which would have been easier, we took her home to live with us. Well, my mom, as well as the rest of us, were not faring well with this. Fiddler is fucking everything up. She is constantly doing what we tell her NOT to do, and driving us all insane. However, she needs the help, so we are taking care of her. Well, mom and dad got into a fight about it, and aren't talking. And my dad is thinking about leaving, moving out, ditching the show. And I'm not mad at him. I love my dad to death. He's been there for me my whole life, and helped me so much. He's the perfect dad. Well, I don't blame him for wanting to move out. My mother is regressing and acting very much like a 16 year old goth kid lately. It's honestly extremely frustrating and kind of disgusting. She is supposed to be acting mature, and like a mother and instead she is fucking around, going clubbing with her friends, and going to "happy hour" after work with her friends at work, and just acting immature. I hate it. So, like I said, I don't really blame my dad. Would you? He's only doing the sane thing. Why be in a relationship if your wife doesn't even pay attention to you? It's frustrating. I just don't want him to go though, because if he does it's going to fuck everything up.

Anyway, moving on to the next subject... I have been extremely overwhelmed in school lately. I know, school is usually overwhelming, but it has been getting really annoying and horrific lately. Thank god I'm going to be in Salem, MA tomorrow. I love airports. But my school stuff has been slipping a little lately. Not my grades, they are fine, just my focus has been going down the toilet. I just don't want to do anything. Part of this has to do with my depression which has been acting up a bit lately, and when I say a bit, I mean a lot. Which leads me to the third topic.

So a few days ago, I broke down at school, while talking to one of the guidance counselors about my class. She's my teacher, but also a guidance counselor. I'll call her Two Face, because when she's being a teacher she's strict and stern, yet when she's being a counselor she's nice and understanding. Anyway, I cried, and she listened and we talked. Then she suggested I see a psychologist. Well, today, I got called out of class to go talk to the psychologist. It wasn't bad, I admit. A bit odd, but not bad. She listened a lot, which I liked. But I guess that's her job... Anyway, we are meeting again next weekend on  wed. I don't really want the whole psychologist thing to have anything to do with school, so I am still going to look for a psychologist outside of school. I think it might actually really help. I just need to find one. So, I guess until I find one, I will just talk to the school psychologist, who to make it easy I will call Psych, and then when I get a new one that will be that.

So besides all of that shit... I am doing pretty good. I've got the best guy on the planet and some pretty awesome friends. It's October, and even though I can't see the leaves changing colors, It's still awsome. I'll be in Boston this weekend for my cousins wedding, so I will have fun. Well, that's it.
Until next time, I bid you farewell.

Just For You

I just wanted to say, to my dear Bad-Ass,

Happy Birthday!!!!! I love youuuu!!!! <3 <3 <3

You really are an amazing guy. Thank you so much for being in my life. I love you. And I can't wait to be with you, to have you right next to me. I love you so much. Once again, Happy Birthday my love. May it be an awesome birthday.

Love yours always,
Me